Lots of action at the Democratic Party, both State and County. I am looking forward to this election being over with lots of wins; Phil and Jim and Sim in particular.
Today is the first day in forever when I have awakened feeling "normal." Not sure why, but I am going to bask in it and see where it leads me.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Loss
What a week...my friend and hero, Glenn Williams died in a terrible car accident last week. I am in shock and sorrow. There is nothing to do but help the family and believe in God.
Glenn Alden Williams
Glenn Alden Williams 1954 ~ 2006 Our loving husband, father, and brother, Glenn Alden Williams, age 52, of West Valley City, UT died October 18, 2006 from injuries sustained in a car accident. Glenn was born April 5, 1954 in Everett, WA. He was raised by his mother, Joan Watson; and stepfather, Peter Moody. He resided in Washington and California for many years before moving to Utah in 1995. Glenn had celebrated several years of sobriety, had overcome many obstacles and had found a new way to live life to the fullest. He possessed a natural ability to work with computer technology and was technically savvy despite having no formal training. He was very proud to be able to utilize this talent while working as the Electronics Specialist for the Robert G. Sanderson Community Center of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. He loved his job and what he could offer to help others. Glenn was a very generous man who found great pleasure in helping those around him. He enjoyed spending time with his children and visiting with family. He will be greatly missed by many. Glenn is survived by his wife, Sari Lafeen; three children, Glenn Jr., Zenn, and Zari Lee; stepchildren, Zachary and Zarren; stepfather, Peter Moody; sisters, Terry, Patty, Vicki, Judy; brother, Peter; and many other family members that will miss him dearly. Preceded in death by his mother, Joan; and son, Zepplin. Funeral services will be held Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 11 a.m. with viewing 10-10:45 a.m. at Memorial Estates Mortuary, 5850 South 900 East in Murray. A viewing for friends and family will be held Monday from 6-8 p.m. In lieu of flowers contributions may be made to a family trust in Glenn Williams name at any Zion's Bank.
Glenn Alden Williams
Glenn Alden Williams 1954 ~ 2006 Our loving husband, father, and brother, Glenn Alden Williams, age 52, of West Valley City, UT died October 18, 2006 from injuries sustained in a car accident. Glenn was born April 5, 1954 in Everett, WA. He was raised by his mother, Joan Watson; and stepfather, Peter Moody. He resided in Washington and California for many years before moving to Utah in 1995. Glenn had celebrated several years of sobriety, had overcome many obstacles and had found a new way to live life to the fullest. He possessed a natural ability to work with computer technology and was technically savvy despite having no formal training. He was very proud to be able to utilize this talent while working as the Electronics Specialist for the Robert G. Sanderson Community Center of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. He loved his job and what he could offer to help others. Glenn was a very generous man who found great pleasure in helping those around him. He enjoyed spending time with his children and visiting with family. He will be greatly missed by many. Glenn is survived by his wife, Sari Lafeen; three children, Glenn Jr., Zenn, and Zari Lee; stepchildren, Zachary and Zarren; stepfather, Peter Moody; sisters, Terry, Patty, Vicki, Judy; brother, Peter; and many other family members that will miss him dearly. Preceded in death by his mother, Joan; and son, Zepplin. Funeral services will be held Tuesday, October 24, 2006, 11 a.m. with viewing 10-10:45 a.m. at Memorial Estates Mortuary, 5850 South 900 East in Murray. A viewing for friends and family will be held Monday from 6-8 p.m. In lieu of flowers contributions may be made to a family trust in Glenn Williams name at any Zion's Bank.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Original Intent
aaarrrggghhh, this is turning into a public diary instead of my orignial intent. Countertransference, or just transference. Sucks.
me, now
In addition to the break up he is becoming aware that he needs to think about work, himself, and where he is right now.
I am feeling similar feelings, actually. Living off Michael, not following through with my business, being LAZY and somewhat depressed. I am going to get some coffee in a minute and read my car manual.
I am also going to bill for that one girl at vmh so I can bring in some money and make myself and mikey feel better about me.
I am feeling similar feelings, actually. Living off Michael, not following through with my business, being LAZY and somewhat depressed. I am going to get some coffee in a minute and read my car manual.
I am also going to bill for that one girl at vmh so I can bring in some money and make myself and mikey feel better about me.
Len, part II
I got a call from Len last night, it seems like his world has crashed around him. I was somewhat perceptive in what he is doing, my anger was towards his defensiveness, I think.
He broke it off with Sheila, I mean, Deb, and is back staying with mom for a while. It really is an opportunity for him to get some support in a healthier manner than being a liar in a relationship that isn't good for him.
While he was telling me about the latest crisis with Deb, I told him that she is an alcoholic (duh-she took benzodiazipan with pain meds while drinking) and then blamed Len for giving them to her. When I told him that she was an alcoholic he said "She wasn't driving." HUH?
So, let's hope he can use this time to find himself, and get some help.
It was pretty painful to listen to him, but at least he is getting to an honest place.
He broke it off with Sheila, I mean, Deb, and is back staying with mom for a while. It really is an opportunity for him to get some support in a healthier manner than being a liar in a relationship that isn't good for him.
While he was telling me about the latest crisis with Deb, I told him that she is an alcoholic (duh-she took benzodiazipan with pain meds while drinking) and then blamed Len for giving them to her. When I told him that she was an alcoholic he said "She wasn't driving." HUH?
So, let's hope he can use this time to find himself, and get some help.
It was pretty painful to listen to him, but at least he is getting to an honest place.
Monday, October 16, 2006
still angry...
...and another thing. I am not your best friend.Deb used to get on the phone andGUSH about how she is so happy that Len and I have each other..I'm so glad he has you to talk to everyday, it is so good for him!
Oh, Blow it out your ass. I don't need your approval or your commentary.
I was driving yesterday, and thought hmmm, who can I call, I'm kind of lonely and want to talk...Hey, I'll call my brother! I set the phone down and thought better of that action. It's like calling mom. I know what I'll hear; more of you living through Deb and more of your defensiveness.
Fuck that.
Oh, Blow it out your ass. I don't need your approval or your commentary.
I was driving yesterday, and thought hmmm, who can I call, I'm kind of lonely and want to talk...Hey, I'll call my brother! I set the phone down and thought better of that action. It's like calling mom. I know what I'll hear; more of you living through Deb and more of your defensiveness.
Fuck that.
Letter to my brother, which is an angry letter
Last night I composed a letter to my brother on my little PDA, since my keyboard wasn't working, I had to use the stylus. It was slow going. Obviously I had some strong feelings or I wouldn't have tap tap tapped for the time it took.
Here is some of what I said. I had to get it out into concrete form, since I know I'll never be able to tell him this:
Dear Len,
I am so frustrated with you and how you are choosing to spend this part of your life. It began with you moving in with mom, while you are at the age when she should be moving in with you. An 85 year old woman shouldn't have the burden of her son and his Great (Sloppy and Dog Attacking creature) living in her tiny condominium.
It demonstrates to me her unconditional love for you, as well as your ability to take advantage of her. The whole time you were living there you complained about the things she did. She bitched about the dog messing up the house, she gave double messages, she took down her table. And you were so upset about it/
You were living there for FREE! Plus she had given you about 3 thousand dollars to get your belongings from Portland to Arizona, as well as helping you out with your declaration of bankruptcy papers/lawyer fees.
I have always know that you were her "favorite" and this has been demostrated to me througout our lives. You have taken advantage of this favoritism with jokes and use of her love. I admit I have been jealous of you getting the "Luskin recipe" birthday cake, while I either didn't get one at all, or maybe a box mix. I admit to jealousy of the "$50 checks" you inevitably received while I continued to get "$25".
It was both odd and painful. And when I finally confronted her about it in a letter, she finally gave me $50. And then complained about it to you.
It is sad, not because she couldn't afford the money for me, but because she didn't think that you and I would talk about it.
I was stunned when you talked to me about all the money she has tied up in stocks and investments. You were so angry that she had "all that money" and wouldn't give you any "to help you." That's her money, Len. She worked all her life, taking buses to work, neglecting her children, granted, but she worked hard as a Secretary in an organization that is known for treating it's employees like dog manure.
You haven't worked half the time she worked. You don't deserve her money. It is her money. She can set it on fire if she wants to do so. She has had to live with the death of our dad (who didn't leave her with much money, btw) the death of another three men who she cared for. That is alot of loss.
Where the hell is your compassion?
Now you are back where you started. You have met another "Sheila", are engaged, rather quickly I think after your divorce and end of your marriage, to a woman you don't really know.
How obnoxious are you about Deb? When you came to the wedding most of my friends thought that 1. You were a Marine and 2. You had nothing else to talk about except Deb.
You are living through other people, Len. You are NOT a Marine, Jake is the Marine. He feels a lot of pressure to take care of you and to be what you want him to be...Your buttons and hat and marine paraphenalia are not appropriate for the father of a soldier. I don't know any other marine parents who do this. (I speak from experience from being around many other parents of marines and other soldiers.)
And talking incessantly about Deb and her exercise program in a competitive way. Cousin Steve ran 5 mines. "Oh big deal, Deb runs 15 miles." I didn't see you running ANY miles while you were here...so 5 is pretty damned good.
That's it for now. I want to go on, but I'll save it for part II.
Your sister
Here is some of what I said. I had to get it out into concrete form, since I know I'll never be able to tell him this:
Dear Len,
I am so frustrated with you and how you are choosing to spend this part of your life. It began with you moving in with mom, while you are at the age when she should be moving in with you. An 85 year old woman shouldn't have the burden of her son and his Great (Sloppy and Dog Attacking creature) living in her tiny condominium.
It demonstrates to me her unconditional love for you, as well as your ability to take advantage of her. The whole time you were living there you complained about the things she did. She bitched about the dog messing up the house, she gave double messages, she took down her table. And you were so upset about it/
You were living there for FREE! Plus she had given you about 3 thousand dollars to get your belongings from Portland to Arizona, as well as helping you out with your declaration of bankruptcy papers/lawyer fees.
I have always know that you were her "favorite" and this has been demostrated to me througout our lives. You have taken advantage of this favoritism with jokes and use of her love. I admit I have been jealous of you getting the "Luskin recipe" birthday cake, while I either didn't get one at all, or maybe a box mix. I admit to jealousy of the "$50 checks" you inevitably received while I continued to get "$25".
It was both odd and painful. And when I finally confronted her about it in a letter, she finally gave me $50. And then complained about it to you.
It is sad, not because she couldn't afford the money for me, but because she didn't think that you and I would talk about it.
I was stunned when you talked to me about all the money she has tied up in stocks and investments. You were so angry that she had "all that money" and wouldn't give you any "to help you." That's her money, Len. She worked all her life, taking buses to work, neglecting her children, granted, but she worked hard as a Secretary in an organization that is known for treating it's employees like dog manure.
You haven't worked half the time she worked. You don't deserve her money. It is her money. She can set it on fire if she wants to do so. She has had to live with the death of our dad (who didn't leave her with much money, btw) the death of another three men who she cared for. That is alot of loss.
Where the hell is your compassion?
Now you are back where you started. You have met another "Sheila", are engaged, rather quickly I think after your divorce and end of your marriage, to a woman you don't really know.
How obnoxious are you about Deb? When you came to the wedding most of my friends thought that 1. You were a Marine and 2. You had nothing else to talk about except Deb.
You are living through other people, Len. You are NOT a Marine, Jake is the Marine. He feels a lot of pressure to take care of you and to be what you want him to be...Your buttons and hat and marine paraphenalia are not appropriate for the father of a soldier. I don't know any other marine parents who do this. (I speak from experience from being around many other parents of marines and other soldiers.)
And talking incessantly about Deb and her exercise program in a competitive way. Cousin Steve ran 5 mines. "Oh big deal, Deb runs 15 miles." I didn't see you running ANY miles while you were here...so 5 is pretty damned good.
That's it for now. I want to go on, but I'll save it for part II.
Your sister
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Autumn
I can smell the cinnamon from the apples that Josh and Raya have just baked in the oven...Michael and I saw "Chicago" at the PTC with Real New York Talent...the lecture by Helen Thomas was overflowing so we couldn't get in...
...and Congressman Chris Cannon (R-Ut) keeps putting his foot in the doo doo and then in his mouth...
Life is good.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Joey
Rough week, a "younger brother" of Adam, my stepson, suicided last Friday right before Rosh Hashanna. It was heartbreaking, and especially difficult for Adam.
The ripples of this child's pain and decision to choose death are being transmitted throughout the Jewish community, and throughout his friend's community. It is especially painful for Michael and I, as it hurts us to see Adam in so much pain.
The ripples of this child's pain and decision to choose death are being transmitted throughout the Jewish community, and throughout his friend's community. It is especially painful for Michael and I, as it hurts us to see Adam in so much pain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
